This is a short fanfic about Nejireta and what goes on in her head. I promise you there are no spoilers involved. This takes place during the first part of God of Betrayal (which sadly, you won't get to read until later...)
Written by _Kogata _
I haven't really thought about it much. It kind of comes naturally to me, I guess. I mean, a few weeks back, there was this terrorist I found, and he took one look at my whip and bolted. I caught him, obviously, but it got me thinking. Why does everybody hate the sight of me? I mean, they already know I’m doing the right thing, and it’s not my fault if they had it coming. Who the heck blows up things for fun? I actually asked him that but he just made an odd gurgling noise. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean, so I still don’t know the answer to that question. But now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I’m much better. I torture people for a living. In some ways, torturing people is much worse than killing them.
And sometimes I actually enjoy it. I mean, I don’t really like the idea of torturing people until they beg for mercy, but when it actually comes to the punishment, I just think of what they’ve been doing and then I get really mad. Then I sort of go straight into it, and it turns out to be a little fun. I’ve recently realized that Karma isn’t some mysterious force that acts without direction: you need to make it happen yourself. So I guess I’m another form of Karma. Except I only punish. I never reward.
Whenever I wonder why I don’t reward people, the Voice interrupts my train of thought. How annoying is that!? Apparently it has decided that its life’s ambition is to make sure that I have no will of my own. Sometimes I have nightmares about that. Sometimes I wish I had never heard the Voice. Sometimes I dream of going back to a life where I just… live. But then I remember what that life was like. There was never a time where I could just sit and think, like I can now, and there was always the constant fear of a demon attack. In the end, it was the demons that finished me off. Not only did they take my life, but they took my soul, too. Or so they thought…
I still have part of my soul. I’m not even going to think about where it is now, because the Voice hears all my thoughts, and the Voice cannot know where I hid it. I sometimes hear the demons banging on my door, wailing for me to come out, but even though the Voice tells me repeatedly that I’m strong enough to face the demons now, I know it’s not true. The Voice knows this, too. I sometimes wonder if it actually cares about doing the right thing. Maybe it just wants to turn me into another slave. But I’m sure that’s not true. After all, it saved my life, on more than one occasion.
I know for a fact that it doesn’t trust Sensau. He’s a powerful God, but I guess I am, too, and the Voice completely trusts me. One time, I asked Sensau what would happen at next full moon, and he was about to say exactly what would happen when the Voice conveniently stumbled on the scene and hurried me away to my house. I was somewhat disappointed, but it was almost dark, and that’s when the demons come out. I know I’m still not strong enough to go out after dark, but it’s only a matter of time before I am. Perhaps I’ll ask again some other time. But this time I’ll make sure the Voice isn’t around to hear. Maybe then I’ll be one step closer to the truth, and to finding out who the Voice really is…